When someone you love says “I do not need help”

Start with what the person wants, rather than trying to persuade them that they cannot cope. Ask about something they miss, listen to what puts them off, and offer a free introduction if they want one. Explain honestly what a companion is and what paid visits cost. They can say no.

They may mean exactly what they say

Someone can be managing their home and personal care well and still have a quiet week. They may enjoy that quiet. They may also want more company without wanting to describe it as needing help. Start by asking, not deciding which of those is true.

Your concern is real too. Perhaps the usual outings have stopped, your calls have become their main conversation, or you live too far away to visit as often as you would like. If you have not yet worked out what has changed, use our signs and questions guide before proposing an answer.

Start with something they have said

A specific observation is easier to discuss than a label. “You said you missed the garden centre” leaves space for their view. “You are lonely and need someone” can close the conversation before it begins.

Possible wording, to adapt to your own relationship:

• “Would you like to go again if someone could come with you?”
• “Which day feels longest at the moment?”
• “Would having someone round for a chat appeal, or would you rather get out?”
• “Is there something about having a visitor that worries you?”

Ask one question and give them time. Do not turn the conversation into a checklist read aloud, or collect relatives to make the same argument from every direction.

Listen for the concern underneath the no

“I do not want a stranger in my house.”

That is a reasonable concern. Explain the free meeting and let them choose whether they want it. Ask who, if anyone, they would like there with them. The meeting should help them judge a person, not pressure them to agree because someone has made the journey.

“It will cost too much.”

Show the actual price and agree who would pay. At Whitegreen, a two-hour weekday daytime visit is £56; outings and other agreed expenses can add to that. Do not call paid visits free because a relative is paying, or assume a benefit will cover them before checking eligibility and the person's wider budget.

“You are trying to stop visiting.”

Talk about what will remain. If you plan to keep calling on Sunday, say that rather than promising visits you cannot sustain. A companion can add company between existing contact; it need not replace the relationship the person already values.

“I do not want somebody reporting on me.”

Discuss updates openly. The person should know what would be shared, with whom and for what purpose. Paying for visits does not automatically entitle a family member to every private detail. Agree the arrangement rather than presenting family reporting as a hidden feature.

“I would not know what to do with them.”

Suggest one ordinary thing they already enjoy: a cup of tea, a game, looking at photographs or a short trip. There is no need to host, entertain or perform sociability for the companion.

Explain the service honestly

A companion is a paid person providing company and agreed practical support. Do not pretend they are an old friend, a volunteer or someone who happened to be passing. Trust is difficult to build on a misleading introduction.

You could say: “Whitegreen arranges visits with a regular companion. We can ask about someone you would enjoy spending time with, and you can meet them before deciding. The meeting is free. Visits afterwards would be paid, and we would agree the cost first.”

That wording gives the person enough information to choose. It also keeps a free introduction separate from a commitment to ongoing visits.

Make the first meeting theirs

Before the meeting, ask what they want to talk about and what they do not want discussed in front of everyone. Let them answer questions themselves. If hearing, language or communication preferences matter, mention them when arranging the introduction.

Afterwards, ask privately how it felt. A polite “lovely to meet you” is not necessarily consent to book a weekly visit. They may want a different activity, time or personality fit, or no arrangement at all.

If they choose to go ahead, agree a simple first visit and a point to review it. See the full starting process.

If the answer stays no

Respect it. Ask whether they would prefer another option: a call with a friend, a community activity, a visit from someone they already know, or no change for now. Leave information with them if they want it and agree whether to revisit the subject.

Do not use a bad day as an opportunity to pressure them or arrange an unexpected visitor. If there are concerns about safety, health or the person's ability to make a particular decision, seek appropriate professional advice; a companionship sales conversation cannot resolve those issues.

Agree one small next step

It might be looking at prices together, choosing an activity, asking Whitegreen a question or booking the free meeting. It might simply be another conversation next week. A useful next step is one the person understands and wants.

The family decision pack has space to record their preferences and questions. You can also request a callback to discuss the options before raising them again.

Common questions

Should I arrange a visit and tell them afterwards?

No. Explain the service and involve the person before arranging a meeting or visits.

What if they do not want family updates?

Discuss their wishes openly. Establish what information can appropriately be shared rather than assuming family access.

Can they decline after meeting the companion?

Yes. Whitegreen’s meet-and-greet is free and there is no obligation to arrange paid visits afterwards.

Sources

References for the external facts and guidance on this page. Practical examples are examples. If information has changed, tell us so we can correct it.

1. Whitegreen: how visits start
2. Age UK: loneliness information