Arranging companionship for a loved one from a distance

Start with the person’s wishes, then agree the local arrangements: postcode, timing, access, contacts, payment and updates. You can make an enquiry remotely, but the person receiving visits should be involved in the introduction and decisions. Confirm availability and what information they want shared before arranging a routine.

The worry, named

The hardest part of being a long way from an ageing parent is not the distance. It is the not knowing. A short phone call may not tell you everything you would like to understand about the week. You get the odd clue from a neighbour or a missed appointment, and you fill in the rest.

A weekly companion changes that in two ways. Your parent has a fixed point in the week that is theirs, with someone who takes them out and notices how they are. And you get a few lines afterwards, from the person who was actually in the room.

Step by step, from a distance

1. Get in touch. Ring us or send the form with your parent's postcode and a little about them. We reply within one working hour during our call hours: Monday to Friday, 9am–6pm, and weekends, 10am–5pm.
2. The first call. Twenty minutes, the same day, about your parent rather than about tasks: what they enjoy, what their week looks like, what has changed. We will also ask to speak to your parent, with their agreement, so that the visits start as theirs.
3. The meet-and-greet. The companion we have in mind comes to your parent's home with us, with timing and local availability confirmed first. If you cannot be there, you join by video, or a neighbour or another relative sits in. It is free, and nothing is decided until your parent says yes.
4. The companion plan. One page, written with your parent: interests, routines, what a good visit looks like, who to call and in what order. You get a copy.
5. The visits. The same companion, the same day and time, every week. A note to you after each one. A phone call from us each month. One week's notice if it ever needs to stop.

What the note looks like

It is a few lines from a person about an afternoon, not a form. What they did, how your parent seemed, anything worth mentioning: the tea running low, the stair light flickering, the walk managed without a stop for the first time in weeks. A short note can help you understand that visit. It cannot describe every hour between visits or replace asking the person how they feel.

The note goes to whichever family member your parent nominates, by agreement with them. It is their visit and their information, and they can see what is written.

Keeping your parent in charge

Arrangements made from a distance can slide into being done to someone. A few habits stop that.

• Talk to your parent before you ring us, not after. Our guide on what to say when a parent insists they do not need help covers the conversation.
• Let them choose the day, the time and what the first visit will be.
• Make sure they meet the companion before anything is booked, and know that they can ask for someone else.
• Agree with them what goes in the note and who gets it.
• Ask them how it is going, as well as reading the note. The two together are the full picture.

Practical questions from another city

Paying. Invoices are weekly, in arrears, by direct debit or card, and can come to you. There is no deposit and no minimum term.

Keys and money. If the companion needs a key or a key-safe code it is agreed in writing first. Companions bring back receipts for any shopping, never hold a bank card, and never know a PIN.

Appointments. A companion can take your parent to the GP, the dentist or the hospital, wait, and bring them home, and the note will tell you what was said if your parent is happy for it to.

When needs change. If we think your parent is starting to need more than companionship, we tell you early, and we help you find a registered care provider for the personal care while the companion keeps visiting.

Emergencies. If something is seriously wrong during a visit the companion calls 999 and stays until help arrives; for anything less urgent they ring NHS 111 or the GP, and then you.

If you would like to talk it through first, ring us. The first conversation is about your parent, and it costs nothing.

A shared plan when several people are involved

Choose one main contact for routine arrangements and agree an alternative. Record who pays, who receives invoices and who the person wants to receive updates. Those roles do not have to belong to the same relative. Do not assume that the person who lives closest wants to coordinate everything.

A neighbour may be happy to attend the first meeting without wanting ongoing responsibility. Ask, rather than assigning them a role in a family conversation they are not part of. Keep contact details and access arrangements in a private agreed plan.

Questions that a distance can hide

Ask the person what happens on the days when nobody visits. Are there interests they miss, jobs they would like to share or times they prefer to keep to themselves? Compare the actual week, not a reassuring snapshot from a Sunday video call.

If you notice new changes, our recognition guide gives questions to ask and explains why health concerns should not automatically be treated as loneliness.

Check whether the arrangement is working for them

Ask open questions after visits: “What did you enjoy?”, “Was that enough time?” and “Would you like anything different?” A family update helps, but it is not a substitute for the person's own view. If they are disappointed, find out whether the issue is the activity, timing, company or something else.

You can make a plan together before contacting us. If availability, cost or service fit does not work, keep the plan: it will help you compare another option too.

Common questions

Do I need to be there for the meet-and-greet?

No. It works best in person, but you can join by video, or your parent can meet the companion with a neighbour or another relative present. Your parent needs to be there; you do not.

How will I know how each visit went?

A short written note from the companion after every visit, sent to whichever family member your parent nominates. Anything urgent is a phone call, not a note.

Who is my contact if something changes?

One named person at Whitegreen with a direct line, plus a monthly phone call to talk about how it is going.

Can I pay from another city?

Yes. Invoices are weekly, in arrears, by direct debit or card, and can go to you rather than to your parent.

Sources

References for the external facts and guidance on this page. Practical examples are examples. If information has changed, tell us so we can correct it.

1. Whitegreen Companions, how it works
2. Whitegreen Companions, privacy notice